| | Time: | 09:59 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/thoughtful.gif) contemplative |
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| So I overheard this couple today - well, they might have been a couple, or maybe they were just really good friends, or co-workers, or something. Regardless of what their status with each other is, I overheard them anyways. The one man was talking about this old Indian philosophy - or maybe it was Arabic. Whatever, it doesn't matter what country it came from. Point is, I overheard this man talking about a philosophy about every person owning two dogs - a good dog and a bad dog. With every action, the person would feed one of those dogs, and eventually, one of the dogs would starve the other to death because it would take all of the food, and it would determine what kind of person we'd become.
So I guess the question I'd like to have on my mind as I go to bed is... which dog have I been feeding all of these years? |   |
| I've been feeling caged in lately. I guess that's the only way I can describe it... I've lost touch with, well, just about everyone I've been friends with. It's starting to give me a nice dose of depression and anxiety, really - the former over having done nothing with friends for well over a quarter of a year, and the latter because, honestly, I'm horrible at social situations. I've got this nagging feeling that people stopped talking with me for good reason... that maybe I've done something to piss them off to the point of no return. What's upsetting is that fact that the things I know I've done wrong... the things I need to apologize for... at this point, they'd just be falling on deaf ears, like the fact that I'm trying to somehow atone for the sins I've committed means nothing. What's more upsetting than that is, with the people I might still have a shred of hope of being able to talk to, the longer I wait, the more likely they're just going to tell me to fuck off.
It bothers me to think that I've lost touch to the point that I could pass away and nobody would know for some time. Bothers me even more that I could think of a good number of people who'd be glad to hear that kind of news. Even more than that, though, is that outside of family, I can't think of a single person who'd exhibit more than an, "Oh... well, that sucks." I've made next-to-no positive impact on this world, and it's really starting to fester.
Was going to have some company here, and the tentative plan was to go out drinking. As much as I'd have liked to, you know... actually go to a bar and drink myself a little stupid, I'm in too much of a mood to drink far to much and put my theory of "Who Cares?" to the test. Of course, with the way it feels lately, my lungs are on the verge of crapping out. Already been having enough difficulty breathing from time to time, ever since I moved. I'm almost tempted to take bets on how long they'll go before chemical damage catches up with 'em. At least the money that'd raise could go to something useful.
You know what's really sad here? I'm being depressing, I *KNOW* I'm being depressing... and I just don't give a damn anymore. To be honest... part of me doesn't seem to give a damn about anything.
And that's terrible. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| So I decided, after a bit of time... that I really like Brisingal as the name of my compy. Hell, I wasn't even planning on keeping it, and yet it seems like I am. However, all is not lost! I have three partitions on my hard drive, so I've now got Phaeton with the Windows section, and then for the raging Dante fanboy that I can be, went with Ebony and Ivory for the other two. When I pick up a thumb drive, I think I'll refer to it as Loki, for the sole purpose of using the puntastic, "It's not a USB Key. It's a Loki!"
Yeah. I suck at humor. | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| Ok, so... public poll for everyone. I got my new computer working last night, and good lord, is it an amazing piece of hardware. Compared to my last machine, it is quite chock full of the supposed 'meat and pwn'. However, there's one final touch I'd like to give this thing, and that's a name that's equally as awesome. For the time being, I've dubbed it Brisingal, but it's more of a placeholder than anything (although I'm kind of liking it).
Anyways, my poll is this - suggest a name for my new compy, and give me a decent reason why I should pick it. I'm thinking something from legends/mythology, but I'll see what people come up with. | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| Good news: I'm finally able to upgrade my computer, thanks to having a very generous mother coupled with a recent birthday. Within the next few days, I'll be able to say hello to a gig of RAM, a 256 meg PCI-Express video card, and a 2.8Ghz processor.
Bad news: I sliced my left leg open at work today. Took a good chunk of skin, not to mention the fact that all around the injury is bruised.
In different news: Mom is finally in jail. Thirty days, and counting.
Yes, it's a short one. Care to know more? Ask me y'self. | | comments: 12 comments or Leave a comment |
| So the happiness of turning twenty-one was very short-lived today, for two reasons. The first reason (which is quite minor, I assure you) is that I've just gotten back from what I think could be labeled as a food service nightmare. The second?
I learned, at about noon today, that a good friend of mine was sexually assaulted.
I've been spending the day keeping this girl in my thoughts. I suggest that, instead of celebrating the fact that I'm of legal age to drink, you guys do the same. | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| IN AD 1984 SEPH WAS BEGINNING.
Nurse: What happen?
Doctor: Someone set us up the boy.
Ultrasound: We get signal!
Doctor: What!
Ultrasound: Main screen turn on!
Doctor: It's you.
Seph: HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN. | | comments: 8 comments or Leave a comment |
| 1) Bold what is true about you.
2) Italicize what you wish was true about you.
3) Add one true thing about you to the end of the list.
4) Tag five LJ friends
( Insanity behind the cut! )
Maybe sometime, I'll actually bother to have a real update. And, for the record, no tagging. Do it if you wish. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Seriously. I'm just getting consumed by that thing that everyone refers to as 'real life'. Amazing, isn't it?
Things at SU have been... well, not fun, to say the least. Apparently, the fact that I'm not going there any longer is just so funny to everyone, and it's perfectly all right to consider me a complete retard. Whatever, I suppose. If people want to be dicks about the whole subject, then obviously, they have no concept of everything that's played a hand in that outcome. Besides, you'd think that with the amount that people bitch about standardized testing, people'd wrap their brains around the fact that successful academics isn't just what you've memorized in class.
Speaking of college, still no word from other places that I requested info from. It's a little unnerving to not have anything yet, but I'm guessing that they throw everyone onto a mailing list and send it all out at one time. Still, if there's nothing in my mailbox by the end of the week, I'm going to hit up some other places for info and go from there.
As a not-so-random aside, I think it's such a bitter irony that I was plugging away at college when I had no idea of what I wanted to do, and now that I know what I want as a career, I can't find shit. Go me.
You know what? Since the rest of this entry would be about games, and since nobody cares to hear how that's going, I'ma cut this entry now. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| So things have been... interesting, to say the least. Nothing overly critical or important, but amusing nonetheless.
Managed to pick up a copy of Guild Wars, and... yeah. My video card totally doesn't meet the requirements. In order for me to have a passable framerate, I need to run around with the camera aimed at the ground and navigate by the mini-map. I'm awfully used to it by now, but I'd like to at least see the game I paid for, thankyouverymuch. I think I'm going to see how far $50 will take me at Newegg - once I have that much that's disposable. Until then, I run around like a complete moron.
Work's been kicking the living crap out of me lately. I know that Dad feels this pressing need to get up at the crack of dawn and work overtime every single day, but I don't know if he realizes that I don't have his energy, drive, or stubbornness. Ergo, we work seven days a week, and I end up feeling like a heavily-beaten rag doll. Considering I'm getting paid $8 an hour, I'm not gonna complain to him, but maaaaan... I'd give anything to have a day off right about now.
I'm slowly but surely working my way through the list of colleges that I can attend using tuition exchange. So far, the only places with both a diverse physics program and a computer science program are Allegheny College, Bucknell University, Dickinson University, and Elizabethtown College. E-Town looks interesting, considering they have a specific 'Engineering Physics' program, so it's pretty high on my 'Look Into Further' list. I'd still like to have close to a dozen places to request info via mail from, but I won't complain if I don't reach that goal.
There's a lot more on my mind, but I don't quite have the motivation to write it at the moment, nor do I want to continue boring people with trivial details of my lifestyle. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| ... I just made $200 for helping Dad after he punches out from SU for 25 hours. That's not including the hours I worked out at 409 UA this week, and considering I'm putting in overtime tonight... yeah, I'm fucking happy.
I'd post something a little more expansive, but I'm on break, and currently trying to remove dried-up sweat from my skin. THE SALT, IT BURNS US. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 11:57 am | | Current Mood: | busy |
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| Yay for feeling better, and yay for being able to eat something and have it stay in your stomach. I think taking a nap yesterday helped a whole lot.
In any case, work's going along rather well. The house is starting to look respectable again, and now all that's really left is to finish prepping three rooms and two hallways upstairs, and some very minor work downstairs. Needs to be done by... the 16th, I believe? I'm not sure. Regardless, that place should be wrapped up by the 13th, and I should be walking away with close to $500. Excited? You bet I am.
Computer restoration is moving along, albeit a tad slowly. Running on a 28k connection hampers things a bunch, but I'm down to OpenOffice and some Windows XP updates. There's a chance I may need to go back and partition the drive before booting to Windows, but according to the manual, XP can handle 137GB+ drives once Service Pack 1 is installed. We'll see, really.
As for picking up Guild Wars and/or Ragnarok... I think I'm just going to take my time with those. I don't particularly care a whole bunch right now, although the chance to hang out with some friends of mine would be nice. We'll just see what kind of money I have this weekend, since I do have ZOMG EXPENSES coming up. Yay for loss of money. | | comments: 11 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 09:50 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/uncomfortable.gif) sick |
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| | ... so I was planning on going out after dinner, since I was feeling better. Cue not being able to retain my dinner for very long. It's like my stomach can't handle solid foods very well, and Dad thinks it's something from the ribs we made recently, since his stomach hasn't been doing too well, either. In any case... fuck. Just fuck. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 10:48 am | | Current Mood: | sick |
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| Dear Stomach,
please stop feeling all grumbly, and when I put food in you, please retain it for longer than an hour or two. I've put up with it for two days, and you are making me seriously consider taking a half day today when I could use the money. In short, stop incapacitating me from life. Love, your owner.
In other news... I'm in the process of re-setting up my compy. I managed to score a 200GB hard drive, and (don't ask me how) was able to get Windows XP onto the machine again. I'm in the process of getting updates and whatnot, but damn... I missed this thing. Oh, and ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) mjp? If you could still send the CD just in case something happens, that would rock. I'll be sure to give you monetary compensation for it, or perhaps MGS2 will become yours for TEH FREE. I don't know, really, but I'm going to do something.
And before people from #returners start getting up in arms about ZOMG GET RO NOW, I have more important things to be taking care of than sitting on dial-up for hours upon hours upon hours trying to get over a gig of data. Send me a few CDs with the install files and we'll talk.
... damn you, stomach. I told you to stop making me throw up. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?
(Now post this in your LJ and find out what my response would be) | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 03:12 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/sore.gif) sore |
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| I don't appreciate the fact that my head has felt like it's going to explode since I woke up this morning. I've already taken some headache medication, and I swear it got even worse afterwards. Hopefully, today goes decently other than that.
So I finally decided what particular field of study I'd like to look into... and, not only am I sticking with the physics, but I'll be adding computer science into my courseload. The reason for this is simple - I've decided that I'd like to pursue a career in robotics. Now, whether I'll double-major or major/minor is undecided, but the idea is there and the drive has been restored... so I'm just excited as fuck about the whole thing.
To be honest, I'm sifting through the entire listing of tuition exchange colleges as I'm writing this, and seeing which ones present both of those fields with any sort of diversity. I've only just started, so I don't have anything yet... but I'm sure I'll find something, even if I have to go out of state.
On a semi-related note, Xenosaga rocks the house. I need to finish Episode I and buy Episode II. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| So yeah... in case anyone recalls my efforts to create an arena battle system for mIRC, I've been putting some work (however little) into forming mechanics of it. For the sake of people that don't care (which is probably all of you), what I have is tucked behind an LJ-Cut.
( Beginnings of a Battle System ) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| So yeah... work's been handing my ass to me lately. It's not difficult, back-breaking work (IE: I'm not lugging extremely heavy equipment around all day), but it's been so god-forsakingly humid that the building I'm working in is perma-stuffy. I was standing in the bathroom and cleaning some tools off, and that was enough to have sweat pouring down my face. Combined with the fact that I'm working on repairing twelve-foot-high walls and that I am deathly afraid of heights... yeah. I come home extremely drained.
My compy's still down for the count. On the plus side, Dad's looking into snagged me a 160GB hard drive for the price of I-pay-nothing, but since I haven't been able to get in touch with any of the CompCons about sending me an XP Pro disc, I still can't get it up and running. At this rate, I might just snag Linux as a temporary fix. *laughs*
Started playing Xenosaga: Episode 1 again. It's a tad annoying, only because someone overwrote my file that I had at Proto Merkabah, and because the disc is EXTREMELY scratched up, even after all of my repair efforts (IE: I have to have the PS2 completely upsidedown for the game to work). On the good side, I've managed to snag one of KOS-MOS' sub-weapons that I previously missed, and am on the right track to pick up her best sub-weapon, so I'm not too terribly upset - after all, I'd probably play it again to pick them up at some point, anyways.
And finally, college issues. Turns out that I still have my two years of tuition exchange, despite getting removed from Susquehanna for good. The only potential problem is that most colleges award the tuition exchange credits as a competitive award, meaning I could be fucked if there's a bunch of other kids packing exchange credits trying to go to the same school. Considering my current college track record, I may very well not transfer any of my previous course load to the next school and just eat the two years of debt. It's costly, but since a lot of my physics courses are disjointed, I'd probably do academically better in the long run.
My hair's getting awfully long, and you know what? I really don't care to have it cut anytime soon. | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
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